So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
