My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize