Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
