she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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