Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
