Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
