im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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