She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
