My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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