making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
