East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Farmville is her only friend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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