You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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