Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
