i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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