I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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