i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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