Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
