Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
