I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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