They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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