arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
