i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
