I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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