Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
