I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
