Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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