Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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