Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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