super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize