So many bounce houses so little time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
