I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
