Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
