Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
