operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
