This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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