I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
