Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
