i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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