WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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