last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
