you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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