The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
