you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
