There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
