Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
