I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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