i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
