a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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