I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
