I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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