Rock
Scissors
Fuck
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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