Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
