apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
