So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
honey bunches of taint.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
