I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
