How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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