i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We are all done wearing pants today
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
