I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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