a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
