there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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