My balls are so social today.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
