new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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