He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
