it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
