Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
